VMAs 2016

Greetings from MTV VMA-land! I'm coming to you live, dear reader. Firstly...Honestly? The way you know if a dress is perfect is if it looks just as good from the BACK as it does from the FRONT. Way to go, Rihanna! She's. Slaying. It's a couture gown by designer, Alexandre Vauthier. Breathtaking.

Meanwhile Kanye continues to polarise by being either a) a total douchebag whom wastes every public speaking opportunity by embarrassing himself by lapsing into odd pregnant pauses and/or b) a genius whom makes sure you can't stop thinking about him by insisting on lapsing into odd pregnant pauses during speeches. As it stands, I'll never forgive him for being such a beartch to My Tay Tay (that's "Taylor Swift" to you!) As it turns out, Tay was conspicuously absent re: Jury Duty. Can't argue with THAT! Anyway, back to the important stuff like: Fash. OK, so first noticed about Rihanna's dress is that it's evocative of every children's fairytale princess, with a full skirt and cinched in waist. A daring but never tacky-like-Beyonce-tacky split sets it off, proving at the same time that the cover-up aspect of the dress is NOT about covering any excess BODY FAT as Ri Ri's legs are still CLEARLY runway (and poolside) ready. No. This dress is all about style and sartorial sophistication. However it may also have been good timing as it was clearly Beyonce's turn (again) to basically clean up the awards themselves. Check it out (below). You HAVE TO congratulate her, even if you secretly can't STAND her. Once again, even though she "won" the 2016 VMAs, her outfits dismayed me. Unflattering. Too busy. Not my favourite, sorry Bey.

I always also worry not only about the fact that everyone seems to ignore the nastier side of Beyonce's personality (going way back to this awful scene where she kicked out one of the original members of "Destiny's Child" by basically telling her to pick up her bags and go to the airport instead of rehearsing with the group; check it out here but please note this Trigger Warning re: Nasty Pastie Behaviour: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ObPS0RnDrtI&list=RDObPS0RnDrtI#t=0

Ever since seeing that, I always get an ice cold chill from Beyonce's gaze, even when she's "smiling." OK, awards or not, I question her integrity, from even way back then. FYI.

Moving right along, JLo is always reliably wheeled out to these occasions even if she has clearly not been on the awards radar itself for quite some time. Maybe next year she'll make a comeback but til then she is always fashion-police approved in head to toe glam. Pretty good for 47, JLo! She's serving PERFECT makeup a la Golden Dream Barbie in a mix of bronze, taupe and creme to match her utterly stunning mosaic dress. Nice work; it totally suits her. NB: Below right? Yep. She'll never stop it with the Zoolander facial expressions but that's a Leo Female for you! ie, ALWAYS performing! Cute.

Alongside her, always full of integrity is Alicia Keys,who showed up in a no-makeup makeup look. We know better than to DREAM that Ms Keys would waltz into the room with (freshly bleharoplastied - and, good on her; why not?! Yep she's had her eyes done darl and so has NAOMI Campbell; first thing we noticed about her) eyes without even a HINT (or lashing of) mascara, PLUS at least some light rose blush, white eyeliner, plenty of mascara as we said, tattooed eyebrows (YES to THOSE) and light-brown eyeshadow, pink matte lipstick and a cascade of Bob Marley-esque hair extensions. Put those "no-makeup makeup" pieces together and Alicia Keys is out the door looking fresh at the VMA ceremony.

She's also rocking this RobertoCavalli red and black full length gown and slaying in general. As usual but she's an Aquarian woman so you know she'll always innovate and do her own thing while being super nice at the same time.

While we're on an astrological vibe here we have to talk about "Make Me" songstress and anthropological phenomenon, Britney Spears slaying in bright yellow bedazzled boots and some kind of frong that proves the benefits of a long term Caesar's Palace (Las Vegas) residency. Go Britney! It's all about keeping Sagittarian "expansion" under control (trust me, I know ALL about it). No but yeah, Britney is always our Number One that's for sure. Check it out: Could she BE more BEDAZZLED? Exactly. Why hold back? On anything? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGDeAWDNaZo

In a Nutshell here are the MTV VMA 2016 Results:

Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award: Rihanna Song of Summer Presented by Verizon: Fifth Harmony ft. Fetty Wap, "All in My Head (Flex)" Best Hip-Hop Video: Drake, "Hotline Bling" Best Male Video: Calvin Harris ft. Rihanna, "This Is What You Came For" Best Collaboration: Fifth Harmony ft. Ty Dolla $ign, "Work From Home" Best Female Video: Beyoncé, "Hold Up" Best Pop Video: Beyoncé, "Formation" Best Rock Video: Twenty One Pilots, "Heathens" Best Electronic Video: Calvin Harris & Disciples, "How Deep Is Your Love?" Best Art Direction: David Bowie, "Blackstar" Best Visual Effects: Coldplay, "Up&Up" Best New Artist presented by Taco Bell: DNCE Video of the Year: Beyoncé, "Formation" Breakthrough Long Form Video: Beyoncé, "Lemonade" Best Choreography: Beyoncé, "Formation" Best Direction: Beyoncé, "Formation" Best Cinematorgraphy: Beyoncé, "Formation" Best Editing: Beyoncé, "Formation"